Monday, January 17, 2011


C.A.N.C.E.R...such an imposing word...carries such harsh connotations...scares all who hear it uttered...scares me sensless...

Tomorrow is the big day and I am frightened. It's only basal cell carcinoma. Non spreading, non invasive, non malignant...

It's cancer just the same.

I am a nurse. Cancer is not new to me. Though it is not my specialty, I have spoken words of comfort and inspiration to many frightened patients and their families struggling through much worse than basal cell, approaching a much bleaker outcome than what I face.

Still, it's new to me. I am the first in my family and have no personal reference from which to draw. I'm working through this as it comes.
My nearest and dearest are angry with me! Hell, I am angry with me! Basal cell is, after all, totally preventable, right?

But, the ones I was certain would be offering the greatest comfort and calm are holding me at arms length. I have seen this happen again and again to patients, I know that fear of the unknown and worry over potential loss can present as anger, blame and avoidance. I get it on a professional level. But I don't like it on a personal level.

So, tomorrow is the big day. I will leave here with my skin intact and return with Frankenstein stitches across my forehead, maybe into my shaved hairline. I haven't told my brothers yet, don't want them to think it has anything to do with how many times they called me "cyclops" when I was an acne-prone teenager! LOL! had to find a place to put that! (Just kidding boys!!)

I may post very early tomorrow or enter a quick post in the evening so I can maintain my once-a-day-blogging streak.

I'm asking for positive thoughts and prayers, just the same. Thanks for reading.

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